You are here

In The Bathroom, Ask For A Raise While Touching Your Penis

One of the questions people constantly send me is “How do I ask for a raise?”

It’s tricky. You want to be paid a fair value for your work, but you never want to come off as anything other than a Team Player. Fortunately, I’ve come up with a simple solution.

Next time you’re standing next to your boss at the urinal, ask him for a raise while both you and he are touching your respective penises.

“But Dave, does this work?” you’re probably wondering. It absolutely does!Office Tip: In The Bathroom, Ask For A Raise While Touching Your Penis

Here’s a test: next time you find yourself peeing adjacent to your boss, ask him about mundane things, like “Hey, we should do a team lunch every Friday” or “How about that overtime game last night?” Something that requires just a bit of thought.

You’ll notice that he will just sort of nod and/or say “Uh huh, sure.” Every time.

You see, when men are asked a question while they are holding their penises mid-stream, they generally just mumble awkwardly in order to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

So, ask your boss for that 10% raise you’ve always been too timid to get, and you’ll leave that bathroom with a binding, oral agreement! And when you’re both done peeing, you’ll surely “shake” on it!

As far as women asking for raises, or men with female bosses, I have literally no idea what to do. See ya next time! Happy working.


Drupal theme by pixeljets.com D7 ver.1.1